Involuntary Confessions
by kristy87
Summary: Someone overhears something... GSR


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Many thanks to Rhee for beta reading this fic. Thank you so much for doing this for me :) you're the best.

Summary: Someone overhears something... GSR

* * *

**Involuntary Confessions**

For the first time in his life Gil Grissom had really learned something about himself, he was an egoistic asshole.

In the last couple of years, he had played with Sara's feelings as if she was a toy. He had controlled her with his behavior and hadn't cared at all about how much he might hurt her. He had always followed his goals and had only thought of himself. He hadn't been able to risk his job for her. Nevertheless, he had always managed to keep her hopes alive.

He had treated her like his property. And damn, now when everything was too late he regretted it. Honestly, he couldn't take back what he had done and 'sorry' definitely wouldn't make it up to her.

He saw his reflection in the mirror and wished that he could beat himself up. He hated himself.

He took a deep breath. "Sara, there is something that we need to talk about," he stopped for a moment and then shook his head. "Sara, I need to talk with you about something," he raised an eyebrow. That was not really it either. "Sara, do you have a minute or two?" But he would need more than two minutes. "Sara, can we talk?" Okay, that was simple, it wasn't a command and it didn't sound too desperate. It could work. Maybe he should start with 'hi' or 'hello'? Or 'hey'. He probably should wait until she would say either hey, hello or hi and then answer the same, maybe that was the best? Then he couldn't do too much wrong.

He cleared his throat. "Hey…Can we talk?" He nodded, that was okay. _So when she says 'yes', _"I know that…You maybe… I know that you are probably… In the last years…DAMN IT!" _It can't be so hard to find the right words, can it?_ He somehow felt desperate, "Sara I know you are probably not in the mood to talk about certain things with me… Sara I know _I_ haven't been able to talk about certain things with you for a long time and now you probably don't want to hear them anymore. I know that I must have hurt you a lot in the last years… I must have hurt you a lot in the past and…" _No, without the 'and'_ he sighed. Why was this so difficult?

His apology-rehearsals were interrupted when suddenly the restroom door flew open and Warrick entered. "Hey Boss, there you are."

Grissom turned to face him, feeling somehow exposed even though Warrick couldn't know what he had been doing in there. "Yes, here I am."

"Sara was searching for you," Warrick noticed how Grissom winced when he mentioned her name. "She wanted to talk about a case with you but I think she headed out to the scene again by now."

"I'll call her on her cell later." Grissom replied and then left the restroom, not wanting Warrick to wonder why he was staying in there any longer.

He headed for his office and wondered for a second whether to lock the door or not. However he knew that Ecklie would complain about it if he'd find out that he locked himself in his office while he was still on the clock.

He took a seat and leaned back, for a moment he closed his eyes to remember where he had been interrupted. _Sara I know I haven't been able to talk about certain things with you for a long time and now you probably don't want to hear them anymore. I must have hurt you a lot in the past, and I just want you to know how much I regret it. I…_ He began to swivel on his chair and at some point he sat with his back to the door. …_I need you to know that I regret it. I've been an idiot enough to not see how much I hurt you all the time, I've been too egoistic to forget about my…_ "I've been too egoistic to take the risk of…" _No, that sounds stupid._ "I was an egoist, I only cared about myself. I kept fucking up everything. I just want you to know that…I want you to know that I know now how stupid I was. I denied my feelings for you to myself, I just didn't want anybody to interfere with the plans that I had for my life. I didn't want anyone to know me. I didn't want you to know me. Especially you, because when you let someone know you it's easier to get hurt… even if they don't want it, accidentally they do hurt you sometimes. I was so scared to get hurt myself that I ignored how much I hurt you." Okay it was easier to find the words when he was not looking at his expression in the mirror but would he also find them when she'd be standing in front of him? He sighed. "Sara, I know that just telling you that I am sorry will not make all this up to you. If you let me, I will show you that I honestly want to… to make everything up to you. I will do my best." Now that sounded too much like a desperate plea, but in fact it was. "If you'd just let me show you that I honestly care for you, more than for anyone else, then believe me, I will not disappoint you." He bit down on his bottom lip. "I'd like to have dinner with you." But maybe a question would be better. "Would you like to have dinner with me?" But that did not really fit to what he had said before. "Let's have dinner and I promise you that…" Maybe he should not promise too much or at least not use the word 'promise' too often in one speech. _Damn, it can't be that difficult to ask her out for dinner! _"I will not disappoint you. Let's have dinner or let's do something else, no matter what as long as we are there not as co-workers but as a man and a woman who care for each other," he grimaced. "Let's have dinner or let's do something else, I just want to talk with you. I want to get to know you and I want you to get to know me."

Suddenly, he heard how someone cleared his throat - more specific _her_ throat – behind him. He winced and held his breath, whomever this was, he prayed that she did not hear too much of what he had said, better said he prayed that she didn't hear a single syllable of what he had been saying. He did not dare to turn around.

"I would like to talk about my case with you." Sara's soft sounding voice let his heart stop.

What if she heard something?

When he did not react, she entered and took a seat on the chair in-front of his desk. "I was wondering if you could help me to determine the TOD by analyzing some of the insects that were found on the body."

She was acting quite normal, so she hopefully didn't hear anything. Slowly he relaxed. He turned to her and gave her a weak smile. "I will see what I can do."

"Thank you." She smiled warmly at him. Instead of leaving again – how he had expected it – she remained sitting there in-front of him.

"Anything else?" He asked getting kind of nervous again.

"No," she shook her head. "Not really."

"Okay," he nodded softly. Still she didn't leave. "But?"

"No 'but'," she smiled again but this time she seemed to be really shy. She avoided meeting his gaze and now he was sure that she must have heard at least some parts of his speech.

He swallowed hard. What should he do now? Pretend that it didn't happen? Accept that it did happen and ask her out? Waiting for her reaction?

"Okay," he whispered. And then Sara left her seat. He didn't know whether to hold her back or to let her go. No, he couldn't let her leave now, and he had to…

She turned around again when she had almost reached the hallway. She leaned against the doorframe and smiled at him, now with more confidence. "The answer would be 'yes'," she winked and wanted to turn and leave.

"What was the question?" He knew very well what the question had been but somehow he didn't really know how to stop her from leaving.

She smirked. "You know what the question was. Ask when you are ready to ask. The answer will still be 'yes'."

"I thought that, I might be too late at some point… you once said that…"

"Yeah, but since I know now that you plan to make it all up to me."

"How long have you been standing there?" He asked a little insecure.

"A while." She bit down on her bottom lip.

"What did you hear?"

"Uhm… everything since 'I was an egoist, I only cared about myself. I kept fucking up everything. I just want you to know that' and so on."

"So you pretty much heard everything." Okay, now he felt officially embarrassed to death.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I…should explain this to you."

"Whenever you want."

"After the shift? I know a nice diner where we could have some breakfast," he offered.

"Is this a date?"

"Sort of."

"Then the answer is yes," she tilted her head. "About the case."

"I'll meet you in the lab in five minutes."

"Okay," she left and headed for the lab.

Grissom smiled softly at himself, now the embarrassment was gone. This time he would not fuck things up.

* * *

THE END

Thanks a lot for reading :)


End file.
